


hope you're here to stay

by glazedsun



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-21 05:10:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4816235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazedsun/pseuds/glazedsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Niall gave Bressie a soft smile, the one that made his heart flutter. It was a smile completely reserved for Bressie. It wasn’t the big, but genuine, smile that he gave the rest of the world. It wasn’t the utterly amused and fond smile that he reserved for his bandmates, or even the relaxed one he shared with his family. No, Bressie had only seen this smile directed his way, and it was all a bit overwhelming. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or, the one in which Niall is a bright light in Bressie's darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hope you're here to stay

**Author's Note:**

> so i took bits and pieces of the different suggestions for soulmate prompts that you came up with, and i really hope you like it!! this fic was an absolute labor of love, including a few rewrites. i couldn't have done it without the help of my wonderful betas, c and l. thank you both SO much! any mistakes left are my own.
> 
> it's mostly canon compliant, but a few things may have been tweaked here and there for timeline reasons.
> 
> title is from michael buble's "guess i'm falling for you".

**_Prologue_ **

Bressie was just about to settle in with a pint and his guitar for a songwriting session, when there was a knock at his door. He frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone that night; in fact, he’d already turned his phone off so that he would have no interruptions. He sighed and set down his drink, scratching absently at the tattoo on his forearm.

He walked over to the door, opening it to see who was disturbing him at that time of night. Standing in front of him was a young Niall Horan, grinning sheepishly and clutching a familiar beat-up guitar in his hands.

“Hey, kid, how can I help you?” Bressie asked, stepping aside to let the boy in. “Shouldn’t you be bonding with your new boys?”

“Did earlier,” Niall grinned, bounding into the house with the endless energy that always seemed to surround him and never failed to amaze Bressie. “When you gave me this,” Niall held up the guitar, “pretty sure you promised you’d give me lessons. ‘m hoping that offer still stands.”

Bressie hesitated for a moment: he really had hoped to just have a quiet, productive night. He knew that if it were nearly anyone else, he would easily have told them no. There was just something about Niall, though. Bressie couldn’t quite place his finger on it. Against his original plans, he agreed. “Of course! I was just going to do some writing, but that can wait. Can I get you anything?” He gestured for Niall to take a seat on one of the couches.

“One of those?” Niall asked, as he nodded to Bressie’s untouched pint. There was an unmistakable look on his face that nearly made Bressie laugh: Niall clearly expected Bressie to say no, but was hopeful for the opposite outcome.

Bressie rolled his eyes at Niall, shaking his head and made a disapproving sound. Despite that, he went into the kitchen to pour him his own pint. “One,” he said sternly, patting Niall on the shoulder. Bressie felt an itch at the skin of his tattoo right after. He picked at it absently once he’d set the glass down, shaking off the chill he felt. This caused Niall to raise an eyebrow.

“What’s with the itch, chief?” Niall asked. He leaned over, reaching for Bressie’s arm and carefully running his fingers across the skin. 

Bressie was confused by the lack of concern on Niall’s face, more curiosity than anything. “’s just a chill.” Bressie shook his head, shooing Niall to go sit down. 

Niall looked like he wanted to say something, but decided against it. Instead, they both sat down and began going over some chords. Bressie did his best to focus on teaching his younger friend, but his mind drifted a bit. 

He’d been excited when the small sun appeared on his arm eight years prior; as one of the last people his age that he knew to get one, it had been a relief. It meant that his soulmate was out there, somewhere, with a mark to match his own. The relief turned into despair, however, as the years went by without any sort of sign. Eventually, he’d just given up and gotten a tattoo around it, shifting the attention away.

Bressie pushed away thinking it meant anything at all that Niall had touched his tattoo, _plus_ the itch Bressie had felt then. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d met Niall, so it couldn’t be anything…. It surely had a simple explanation, really: he’d just gotten a new laundry soap, it to be that.

He shook the thoughts out of his head, focusing instead on the laughing boy next to him, who was determined to learn as much as possible.

_**Part One** _

Over the years, London began to suffocate Bressie. He found himself feeling lost more often than not. His muscles ached for no reason, and he was often hit with overwhelming fatigue. Even when he was trying to write his music, he struggled. The only time that he truly felt he could relax, like he was himself and everything was okay, was when he was around Niall.

Niall was a calming presence in his life. He was all smiles and laughter and gentle touches that grounded Bressie. They had fun together, and Niall had never really stopped flirting with Bressie since the day that he’d first shown up on his doorstep. Every time that Niall tried, Bressie laughed it off. As fun as it would be to play along with Niall’s advances, or as nice as it would be to feel that good about himself, he couldn’t get past Niall’s age.

The sun on his arm still remained dormant for the most part, but even Bressie- who largely tended to ignore the stories of markings and soulmates- knew what it was capable of. There was nothing better when stressed, according to legend, than being around your mate. 

Niall had shown up again on Bressie’s doorstep one night. Bressie was at a particularly low point that day, so exhausted he hadn’t even managed to go for his morning bike ride. When he saw that Niall was standing in the doorway, he let out a deep sigh of relief. Niall was the one person who Bressie didn’t have to pretend around; Niall still looked at him like he hung the entire damn solar system even if Bressie was cranky and hungover. 

“Hiya, chief,” Niall smiled. 

“Hey,” Bressie said, his smile strained but fond as he moved to the side to let Niall in. 

Rather than walk in, however, Niall crossed his arms and studied Bressie’s face. “You feeling okay, big man?”

Briefly, Bressie thought about denying it, but he knew that he couldn’t lie. He sighed. “Mostly. Just wiped out.”

Niall frowned, clearly worried. “Well, we should do something to make you feel better,” he finally said a few seconds later. He closed the door behind him and grabbed Bressie’s hand, leading him straight to Bressie’s bedroom despite the protests.

“I have too much to do to just sleep,” Bressie said, his voice as close to bordering on whining as it had been since he was a pre-schooler. 

“That’s what tomorrow is for!” Niall said cheerfully, kicking off his shoes. “We are going to have a cuddle.” Before Bressie could even react, Niall was climbing into the bed and under the duvet. He motioned for Bressie to join him. 

Bressie resisted briefly, until Niall started to pout at him a little. He let out a loud sigh and pulled off his vest, crawling in next to Niall. “What brings you over here anyway? Thought you lads were off doing some popstar thing in a foreign country.” Bressie settled on his back, holding open his arms for Niall. 

Niall immediately wormed his way into the waiting arms. He curled on his side next to Bressie, head resting on Bressie’s bare chest. “Don’t really know, actually. We flew back in town this morning. Cleaned up the flat some, then just had a thought to come here, so… I did.” He shrugged. Without even realizing what he was doing, Niall rubbed his forearm against Bressie’s sun. 

Bressie definitely ignored the shiver that went through him at the touch. “Glad you did.”

“Nothing like a good cuddle with you,” Niall agreed, smiling up at Bressie. 

Bressie hummed in contentment, closing his eyes and starting to feel himself finally relax. “I think I might move back home,” Bressie said after a few moments, breaking the comfortable silence.

“What?” Niall spluttered, sitting up in shock.

“London is just… too much for me these days,” Bressie admitted with a sigh, trying steadfastly to ignore the sympathetic look on Niall’s face. “I got offered a position as a coach on The Voice of Ireland. Reckon it might be good to take it, and help discover some new Irish talent, maybe the next Niall Horan.”

“Mate, that’s sick!” Niall’s eyes widened, a proud grin on his face. “You need to take that!” 

“Reckon so?” Bressie asked, blushing the slightest bit. “Even though it’d mean moving from London?”

“Absolutely,” Niall said, laying back down at Bressie’s side. “If London’s as bad for you as you say it is, it’ll be good to get away. There’s nothing like going back to your Irish roots to refresh your soul,” he smiled, looking and sounding wise beyond his short years. It struck Bressie just how fast Niall had been forced to grow up after his time on the X Factor. “It’ll give me an excuse to visit.”

“Deal,” Bressie laughed sheepishly, holding Niall close to him. It would be good to get out of London, he convinced himself. Sure, it would mean no more nights of Niall just showing up on his doorstep, but it might just be enough of a change of pace that the fatigue went away.

***  
There was a knock at his door a few months after he’d moved to Ireland. Bressie let out a groan, running his hand through his still damp hair. All he wanted was to forget this day and the day before had even happened, and sleep it off. But no, of course he had a visitor. It was probably Eoghan, thinking a six pack or a bottle of whiskey would make everything okay. He pulled the soft white towel tighter around his waist before making his way to answer the door.

“Hiya, chief,” came the bright greeting, and Bressie nearly dropped his towel in shock. Niall stood there, overnight bag slung over his shoulder and a bag of takeaway food in his hand.

“What are you doing here?” Bressie asked in surprise, ignoring the way the boy’s eyes dragged over his body.

Niall looked up to Bressie, and he at least had the decency to blush. “Heard about what happened,” he answered, walking into the house as if he lived there, not like it was the first time he’d ever been. 

Bressie sighed, closing his eyes tightly and gathering himself for a moment before he followed Niall down the hall to the kitchen. He was still recovering from the intense panic attack that had come on suddenly before a live taping of The Voice the previous night. It was the worst panic attack he’d ever suffered from, and it had scared him deeply, which just made the panic even worse. “So you came all the way out here to see me?”

“Course I did, chief!” Niall turned around and gave Bressie a look like he was stupid for thinking otherwise. Bressie just sighed and shrugged, sinking into one of the kitchen chairs and closing his eyes. “How’re you doing?” Niall asked. Even though Bressie’s eyes were shut, he could still hear the frown on Niall’s face.

“Alive,” Bressie laughed shortly, tensely. He opened his eyes slightly to watch Niall collect plates and dish out the food that he’d brought over. “Been dealing with attacks a long time… that one was just, bad. So I went to the doc today. Called it Generalized Anxiety Disorder,” he shrugged.

Niall nodded, pushing a plate in front of Bressie and sitting down next to him. “Is that why you were having problems in London?”

“Reckon so,” Bressie murmured. He sat back for another few moments before the weight of Niall’s gaze became too heavy. 

“Alright, mum,” Bressie rolled his eyes and reached for the fork that was next to the plate. It was a bit weird, having the tables turned. Instead of Bressie looking out for Niall, it was the other way around. Truthfully, Bressie wasn’t all that surprised at how easily the behaviour came for Niall. The boy was always doing everything he could to bring a smile to everyone around him, make sure everyone was at ease. 

“Well, I’m always just a phone call or text away.” Niall gave him an encouraging smile. “Could give you tips.” He then reached over, stealing a piece of shrimp from Bressie’s plate despite having his own in front of him.

“I’d appreciate that,” Bressie smiled weakly, finally getting the energy to lift up his fork and start to eat. He felt like some of the weight was lifted off of his shoulders, thinking about how he shared these feelings with Niall.

“We look out for each other, you and I,” Niall smiled brightly at Bressie. 

They changed the subject after that, Niall telling Bressie stories about the things he and his bandmates had gotten up to since they’d last spoken. It slowly put Bressie at ease, settling the still shaking nerves in him. And when they crawled into Bressie’s large bed that night, Bressie curling protectively around Niall, Bressie finally felt like he was at home again in his own skin.

__

Part Two

The day of Niall’s surgery, Bressie’s own beat up knees started to act up a bit. He didn’t understand what it meant. He just blamed it on all the running he’d been doing in the past week.

In the couple of years since he was properly diagnosed with GAD, Bressie had found different ways to cope with the anxiety and depression. He absolutely still had days where he lost his ability to breathe, his whole body sweating and shaking and so sure that he was just going to die right there. But the other days, when it was just fatigue and shakiness and cloudiness, those were becoming easier for him to deal with. He’d discovered that going for runs throughout the day helped to clear his mind, and keep the physical effects at bay. In the weeks before Niall’s surgery, Bressie found his daily run increasing to at least twice a day. He wasn’t sure why he was this anxious about Niall’s surgery, but then he rarely understood the reasons for his anxiety. There were so many times that it just came on suddenly.

He found himself knocking on Niall’s door the day his flight from America came in. He felt some anxiety bubble up in his chest. What if Bobby hadn’t told Niall that Bressie was coming? What if Niall didn’t want him there? What if he was overstepping his boundaries? His chest started heaving, eyes widening as the panic attack took over, his vision starting to go blurry. He clawed at his jumper, suddenly feeling like he was wearing way too many clothes. 

“Son? Son, come on, come in,” came a vaguely familiar voice from the doorway, bringing Bressie back into the present. There was a gentle hand on the small of his back, pushing him into the house and getting him sat on the nearest chair. The hand then moved to the back of Bressie’s neck, soothing whispers trying to get him to breathe again. There was just enough pressure there to start to calm and ground Bressie, and he was finally able to get in big gulps of air.

Another minute or two passed, and Bressie was finally able to calm himself enough to open his eyes. His chest still hurt, but instead of feeling like there were elephants sitting on him, it felt more like several large, fat, housecats. He blinked a couple of times, then was able to register that it was Bobby Horan sitting next to him, calming him down.

“How are you doing, son?” Bobby asked, handing Bressie a glass of cold water. 

Bressie took it gratefully, gulping down half the glass in one go. “Better, thank you,” he said sheepishly. While he’d known Bobby for years, Bobby had never witnessed one of Bressie’s attacks before. It was a bit embarrassing, but he was thankful it wasn’t one of his really bad ones. “How’s Niall?” he asked, hoping to deflect from what had happened. 

Bobby waited for Bressie to finish drinking before he stood up, taking the empty glass and setting it in the kitchen sink. “Good as he can be after the surgery and flight,” he shrugged, thankfully reading Bressie enough to know not to push the issue of the attack. “He’s resting right now.”

“I can leave if he’s resting?” Bressie asked hesitantly, glancing in the direction of Niall’s bedroom.

“No, no. Stay,” Bobby laughed a little. “He’ll be glad to see you when he wakes up. He already asked after you.”

“After me?” Bressie asked, brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Yeah,” Bobby nodded. “Figured you probably got yourself all worked up worrying. Seems he was right.” Bressie flushed in embarrassment, looking down at the floor. He’d already felt weak and vulnerable in the aftermath of his attack, but he felt even worse knowing that Niall saw it coming. He felt helpless. “Hey, don’t worry about it, son. ‘m glad you’re here. I have to get going, just make yourself comfortable and take a nap if you can. Ni’ll probably be out for an hour or two.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” Bressie nodded, standing up when Bobby started to head to the door.

“No problem, Brez. There’s no one I trust more than you to keep an eye on him and help him out right now. Call me if you lads need anything, I’ll probably stop over sometime tomorrow.”

“Will do.” Bressie and Bobby said their goodbyes, and then Bobby was out the door and off. Bressie looked around him, wondering what to do. He decided to at least go in and check on Niall. He walked down the hallway until he got to Niall’s room, peering in. Niall was lying in bed, leg propped up and crutches right next to the bed in reaching distance. He looked so small and fragile that Bressie wanted nothing more than to just envelope him and protect him from the world. Instead, he just walked in and adjusted the blanket over Niall, making sure he looked settled in his sleep.

Once he was satisfied, Bressie turned around to walk out of the room, ignoring the calming warmth radiating from his arm and up. He settled on the couch, deciding to have a kip of his own.

***

 

An hour and a half later, Bressie woke from a surprisingly deep slumber to the shrill sound of his alarm. He fumbled sleepily for his phone, managing to turn the offending sound off before even opening his eyes. He slowly blinked at the light, rubbing at his eyes and letting out a yawn. Once he found his bearings, he stood up and stretched. The house was quiet, so he figured that Niall was still asleep. Just in case, though, he went to check on his friend.

Sure enough, Niall was asleep, blanket tightly tucked around him. Bressie smiled fondly, then turned and left the room to go to the kitchen and see what he could put together to feed them. Knowing Niall, he would wake up absolutely ravenous. Bressie also assumed that Niall was on some strong painkillers, so his stomach wouldn’t be able to handle much. So, after digging through the fridge and cabinets, Bressie settled on a simple soup. He was surprised to see so much fresh food; Bobby must have come by and stocked the place before picking his son up from the airport.

Bressie already had the stock going, chicken in, and most of the veggies chopped up when he heard thumping down the hall. He looked up, immediately setting the knife down when he saw Niall hobbling on his crutches into the room. He hurried over to Niall, helping him into one of the kitchen chairs. It was easy to tell that Niall was still sleepy, because he didn’t even protest. “How are you doing, little?” Bressie asked, kneeling in front of Niall and giving his hand an encouraging squeeze.

“Terrible,” Niall yawned out, using his free hand to rub first at his face, then absently at the sun on Bressie’s arm. “Better now, though. Good to see you, head.”

Bressie flushed, feeling that now familiar warmth in his veins at Niall’s touch. “Good to see you, too, kid. Can I get you anything while I finish cooking?”

“Water, please?” Niall asked, leaning back in the chair. His hands twitched like they wanted to scratch at the itching stitches.

Bressie stood up and nodded, and went to get a glass of water and bring it to Niall. Once he was sure that Niall was settled, Bressie turned back to where he had been cooking. He finished up the last of the veggies while Niall told him about the surgery and his complete surprise at how much of a secret they’d managed to keep the surgery until it was over. Bressie was content to just listen, letting his friend’s voice soothe his anxieties over the surgery and whether Niall wanted him there or not. It was plain to see that Niall definitely felt better having Bressie there.

Bressie looked down at his soulmate marking while he stirred the soup, wondering. Even though Niall didn’t have his marking, did he feel the same comforting feeling when he was with Bressie? No, he couldn’t… he couldn’t get his hopes up that he wanted it to be Niall. There were too many factors why it just… shouldn’t be. He blinked out of his train of thought, looking back up to focus on the story that Niall was telling.

“You okay?” Niall stopped telling his story to ask, eyebrow raised as he studied Bressie’s face.

“Yeah, why?” Bressie asked, frowning in surprise and setting down the spoon he’d just stirred the soup with.

“Blinked out on me for a mo,” Niall shrugged, still trying to study Bressie.

“Just thinking,” Bressie shrugged.

“Da texted me, told me you had a bit of a panic attack earlier,” Niall said gently, almost like he was trying to talk to a scared animal and wasn’t sure if he should approach or not.

Bressie sighed, then let out a self-deprecating laugh. “You know me, doesn’t take much.”

“Shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, head,” Niall scolded, frowning. “Not like it’s anything you can control.”

Once again, Bressie’s initial response was a big sigh. He turned the heat of the stove down to let the soup simmer, and then went to sit down next to Niall. “It’s like… you had this major surgery, and instead of us focusing on you, your da has to help me through an attack and tells me you’re worrying about me. That’s not fair, especially when I came over to take care of you.”

Niall leaned over, resting his head against Bressie’s shoulder. “We take care of each other, Brez. That’s how it’s always been. I worry about you, you worry about me, and then we help each other through it. Nobody calms me down like you do, chief.”

“You’re the only one that… makes me feel like myself, when I just want to rip right out of my skin,” Bressie admitted, his voice soft and shaky.

“You mean so much to me,” Niall murmured, reaching over to touch the sun on Bressie’s arm. He stared at it for a moment before looking up at Bressie. “So much more than you realize. I want to be with you.” He waved off Bressie’s protests with a knowing frown. “I know, Brez. Trust me. Even the things you haven’t said out loud, I’ve picked up on. You don’t think you’re good enough; you’re too old; you’d be taking advantage of me….” Niall trailed off, shaking his head and looking fiercely at Bressie. “I don’t care about any of that. I know that I care deeply about you. I know that I want to be with you. I just want you to give me a chance, Brez. Can you do that?”

“I don’t know,” Bressie admitted, looking down at his arm. Niall’s thumb continued to absently run over the marking there, and Bressie was trying so hard to ignore the warmth that was running through him. Even before there was any kind of romantic interest on his end, they shared something so important. It wasn’t just any platonic friendship, there was so much more to that. But Niall was still so young, and had so much life ahead of him. Why would he want to be saddled with someone like Bressie?

“I can see what you’re thinking,” Niall frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“What am I thinking, then,” Bressie challenged Niall, frowning right back at his friend. He focused on keeping his breathing steady to keep any panicking at bay.

“You’re thinking one of two things,” Niall shrugged. “You’re either thinking that you’re too old for me, or that I wouldn’t want to be with someone who suffers from anxiety.”

And, well. Niall was spot on, really. “Both,” Bressie admitted, looking down at the table and rubbing his thumb over a small scratch, probably there from the last time Eoghan had come over and gotten a bit too drunk. He’d fancied himself able to slice open the neck of a bottle of champagne with a butcher’s knife, but had only succeeded in stabbing the table. At least no one had gotten hurt, but Niall learned to lock sharp objects up whenever Eoghan was over.

“We’re both adults now, Brez. I know why you thought it when I was a teenager, but I’m not anymore. I know what I want, and what I want is you.” 

Niall spoke so earnestly that Bressie had to look up from the mark in the table, staring at Niall’s face. He’d fucked up so many relationships, especially on account of his anxiety. Self-sabotage was his forte, really. He abruptly stood up, taking deep, calming breaths as he walked over to turn the burner off and ladle the soup into two large bowls. 

Niall remained silent until Bressie set the bowls down on the table and sat back down. “All I want is a chance, big. Just one date,” he said softly, staring down at the bowl, stirring the hot soup.

Okay. Well. Maybe that Bressie could handle. One date would be nice. One date didn’t have to mean anything serious, or have him worrying too much about getting his feelings in too deep. “Okay,” Bressie consented. “One date. But not until you’ve healed up a bit.”

“Deal!” Niall grinned up at Bressie, leaning over to elbow him. Bressie swallowed thickly at the way that Niall’s whole demeanor changed, his face lighting up brighter than the sun. It wasn’t the first time Niall seemed like the absolute personification of the marking on Bressie’s arm, and it was a bit overwhelming. Luckily, Niall changed the subject, and Bressie was able to relax into the conversation while they ate.

*** 

Days turned into weeks while Niall’s knee slowly healed. Bressie stayed with him during most of that time, keeping an eye on him. He was there whenever Niall needed help, especially with a cuddle after a strenuous round of physical therapy. Bressie wasn’t sure what it all meant; all he knew was that, for the first time in a long time, he could truly _breathe_. His panic attacks had started to fade into nearly nothing, with the help of his daily runs and focusing on Niall. He tried not to think too much on what it meant, and just be grateful for it.

Around three weeks after Bressie first showed up at Niall’s door, Bressie decided that Niall was progressing enough that they could go on their date. Niall was far from fully healed, but he was getting around pretty well, and surely they could handle a dinner out. 

Bressie stood in front of the mirror after getting ready, staring at his reflection and suddenly getting hit with a rush of that familiar anxiety that had kept away. What was he doing? This was probably so many kinds of wrong. His heart started to race, spots appearing in front of his eyes as the anxiety started to gain control. And… no, no. Bressie couldn’t let that happen. He closed his eyes tightly, counting backwards from twenty again and again to try and control his breathing and racing heart. It took nearly a minute and a half, but he was finally able to stem the tide of panic that had threatened to wash over him.

When he opened his eyes again, he felt calmer. He was taking Niall out because he was definitely attracted to the lad, and he felt something for him. And Niall seemed to want this as much as Bressie did. It was just one date; nothing worth stressing over. He took another deep breath, telling himself that a couple of times before he turned around to gather Niall so they could head out.

Niall was waiting for him downstairs, his face bright and happier than Bressie had seen it in a while. “Look at you, little,” Bressie smiled fondly, eyes roaming to appreciate the lad in front of him. Somehow, Niall had managed to pull on a pair of his trademark skinnies, brace on the outside of them. He wore a loose button-up shirt, top buttons undone enough that Bressie could see a hint of the scattered chest hairs that had started to grow in more and more recently. He looked positively radiant. 

“You look good, chief,” Niall grinned at him, walking over and reaching up on his toes to give Bressie a kiss on the cheek. Bressie ruffled Niall’s hair affectionately, earning an indignant squeak. They both laughed as Niall fixed his hair, and then headed out to dinner.

The date went far better than Bressie could have imagined. He had chosen a place that was a little out of the way, smaller and more intimate. It gave them the privacy to not be spotted, and it also made it easier for them to talk and laugh throughout. And talk and laugh they did. Bressie felt more at ease with Niall than he ever had with anyone else he’d been on a date with. Not for the first time during dinner, Bressie found himself glancing down at the sun on his arm. There was a pleasant warmth in his arm, especially any time Niall reached over and brushed his fingers against the skin there. 

Bressie knew what that warmth meant, deep down. He’d heard from so many mates what he was missing out on, that warmth and happiness that runs through your veins when your soulmate touches your marking. He hadn’t felt it with his last girlfriend, and he’d been half in love with her and so ready to declare her his soulmate. But here he was, sharing a bottle of wine with Niall and enveloped in the most soothing, comforting warmth that he’d probably ever felt. He tried to convince himself that it was just the wine that was relaxing him, but it was harder and harder to do that.

Before he knew it, they were finished up, Niall polishing off the pudding they’d split between them for dessert. Bressie got the bill settled, and they drove back to Niall’s house. Despite the loud laughter of dinner, the ride home was fairly silent. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, though; they both seemed to be taking everything in and trying to sort things out in their head. 

Bressie helped Niall into the house, and to the couch. Without even exchanging a word, they both opted to collapse down onto the sofa, having a cuddle and turning on a film. It was hard for Bressie to tell if it was a continuation of the date, or just them doing what they always did, but he found he wasn’t bothered much either way. He was close to Niall, arms wrapped around him, and that was the only place he wanted to be in that moment.

As if reading Bressie’s thoughts, Niall shifted just enough so he could turn his head to face Bressie’s. He gave Bressie a soft smile, the one that made his heart flutter. It was a smile completely reserved for Bressie. It wasn’t the big, but genuine, smile that he gave the rest of the world. It wasn’t the utterly amused and fond smile that he reserved for his bandmates, or even the relaxed one he shared with his family. No, Bressie had only seen this smile directed his way, and it was all a bit overwhelming. It was like he suddenly understood just what Niall’s feelings had been for a while. “Thank you,” Niall murmured, leaning in to press a light kiss to Bressie’s lips. 

“Thank you,” Bressie whispered in reply, reaching a hand into Niall’s hair. He gently pulled him in for another kiss, slightly longer but still chaste. They smiled at each other, both blushing, before turning their attention back to the film until they drifted off to sleep.

*** 

The one date turned into another, and into another. Bressie tried to keep things as casual as he could, and it helped that Niall didn’t really bring their relationship up. They were content to just have fun together, be affectionate and share kisses. It went on that way for a few weeks, to the point where they had started to settle into a routine with their date nights.

It was after one of those nights that the subject that Bressie had been trying to avoid came back up. They’d just gotten back from dinner and were sitting out on the porch. Niall was curled into Bressie’s chest, cold pint in his hand. Bressie’s arms were wrapped around Niall, holding him close. Niall nuzzled his arm against Bressie’s arm. “Think we might match?” he asked, voice soft and hesitant.

“Think you’ll match whoever you’re meant to be with,” Bressie said carefully. 

Niall turned his head to glare a little bit at Bressie. “Oi, cut it out with the politics.” 

Bressie laughed, squeezing his arms around Niall. “Yeah, yeah. It’s true, though.” The thing was, Bressie truly believed it. He wanted to believe that his match was out there. He’d seen his mates with their matches, the connection that they had, and knew it was real. “Whether it’s me or not, they’ll be so lucky to have you in their life.” 

“It’s you I want to be with,” Niall admitted. “Whether we match or not.”

“Even if it would keep you from your soulmate?” Bressie asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“Even if it would keep me from my soulmate,” Niall agreed, reaching to brush his thumb over Bressie’s marking. “We’re going to match. I just know it. There is no one else in the world who could be better for me than you.”

“You can’t… say that, little,” Bressie said, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. “What if it’s, like, one of your bandmates?”

Niall snorted. “Then my marking must be a platonic kind of soulmate. Besides, we’re pretty sure Lou’s already found his soulmate,” he snickered.

“Why’s that funny?” Bressie raised an eyebrow.

“Well, Haz keeps insisting that Lou’s triangle matches Grimmy’s. Lou is having none of that, keeps insisting he and Liam are going to match instead. Reckon it’s all a bit awkward, what with Sophia being in the picture and all.” Niall shook his head, rolling his eyes at the drama of his bandmates, but looking utterly fond at the same time, which made Bressie think that it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as Niall was making it seem. “I just want it to be you, Brez. I want it more than anything.”

Bressie didn’t know what to think. He was so sure that he’d finally figured it out with his ex the year before. Everything seemed to be going well. After the initial brutal panic attack, he’d started finding ways of controlling the anxiety better, and he’d been happy with her. They had dated for nearly a year, and then she got her soulmate marking. Not a match. Rather than stick it out, she left. After all the time they had spent together, she just walked right out of his life. It had been tough for Bressie. He was utterly terrified, knowing that he might have to go through the mismatched markings again.

“I won’t leave you,” Niall said gently, somehow getting at least an idea of what was going on in Bressie’s head. 

“That’s what she said, too,” Bressie said, suddenly feeling vulnerable and a bit shaky. 

Niall reached over to set his glass down on the table, then reached to take Bressie’s hand. “I know,” he sighed, squeezing Bressie’s hand. “If it happens, then it happens. And if it doesn’t, we work through it, okay? I don’t just want to stop dating you because of a marking that may or may not appear.”

“Alright,” Bressie agreed softly, hugging Niall to his chest. “We’ll… work through anything serious as it comes.”

“Exactly,” Niall beamed up at Bressie. Bressie smiled at him, and they settled in together until it got too cold to stay outside any longer.

__

Part Three

There was a knock on Bressie’s hotel room door only minutes before the clock turned midnight on Niall’s birthday. Bressie had flown out to California for the first show there, deciding to stay for a few days. He had been a little hesitant about flying out so far, especially when there was no telling what Niall’s birthday might bring, but he needed to be there. In the months since their first date, he and Niall had continued to go on many more dates. Bressie knew that he was falling hard for the boy, but he wouldn’t be able to handle admitting that to Niall only to have their markings not match. He’d been anxious the whole day, opting to skip the concert that night in favor of spending some time in the gym and working on writing.

As soon as he heard the knock, Bressie jumped to his feet. He opened the door, eyes wide as he stared at Niall. Niall gave him a small smile in greeting, pushing his way into the room. Bressie could sense how anxious the younger lad was. “I want it to match,” Niall breathed out, not even bothering with a greeting, sitting on the couch and fidgeting a little.

“Me too,” Bressie breathed, sitting down next to Niall. He wrapped an arm around Niall’s shoulders, and the smaller lad easily tucked into his side. Bressie tried not to think about just how much he loved that.

“Did you get your mark on your birthday?” Niall asked, looking up at Bressie with earnest, tired, eyes.

“Nope,” Bressie admitted, shaking his head. “Most of my mates did, but mine took months to show up.”

Niall smiled a little, “Guess there was no hurry when your soulmate wouldn’t be getting his for years anyway.” He tried to play the words off as a joke, but they wound up falling a little flat because of the nervousness.

There was no guarantee that Niall would even get his soulmate marking on his birthday. Most people did, but not everyone. However, the chances of getting your marking right away were much higher once you’d already met your soulmate, especially if that mate already had a marking. Bressie looked down at his sun, catching his lower lip in his teeth. God, how he hoped that would be the case. He’d tried so hard over the years to not to get his hopes up about them matching, but with each date that he and Niall went on, it was getting harder and harder to hold back.

“It’s not going to change things, even if we don’t match,” Niall said stubbornly, swallowing back a yawn and reaching to touch Bressie’s sun. “I still want you. And only you.”

“Niall…” Bressie sighed. “It’s not… that easy.” 

Niall glared sleepily at Bressie. “I don’t give a shit about easy. I know you’ll be my soulmate.”

“Come on, little, let’s get some sleep instead. Make the mark show up sooner, I reckon,” Bressie tried.

Niall frowned a bit, but then nodded. “Ya, I’m knackered.” Bressie stood up, pulling Niall up with him and walking over to the bed. They both stripped down to their pants, and then curled up together until they fell asleep.

*** 

Bressie was the first one awake in the morning, his body still used to morning runs. He yawned and blinked wearily, glancing down at the small blonde next to him. Niall looked peaceful in his sleep, on his side and curled up against Bressie, somehow managing to wrap around Bressie’s arm. Bressie drank in the sight, appreciating it as much as he could for what might very well be the last time.

Sure, Niall had sworn to Bressie the previous night that it wouldn’t change things even if they didn’t match, but Bressie knew that Niall couldn’t keep a promise like that. Perhaps at first, but the moment Niall met his true soulmate, it would be over. Not only would Bressie refuse to keep him from his soulmate, but the pull of the mark would eventually become too much for Niall. He just hoped, God did he ever, that their markings would match up.

“Creep,” Niall murmured, blinking up at Bressie with a sleepy grin on his face. “Watchin’ me sleep.”

“Couldn’t much get up,” Bressie laughed, proving his point by trying to lift his arm only to have Niall cling harder to it.

“Still creepy,” Niall grinned, reaching up to wipe the sleep from his eyes. 

“Nothing says happy birthday more than waking up in bed with a creeper,” Bressie shrugged, winking at Niall, who shook his head in amusement. “Happy birthday, little,” Bressie smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to Niall’s lips.

“Eugh, morning breath,” Niall whined, but still kissed Bressie once, lightly. He pulled himself out of bed, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth and have a quick shower. 

Bressie laid back in the bed, eyes roaming over Niall’s body, ignoring the calls of “Perv!” coming from Niall. He laughed, tossing a pillow at the lad’s retreating back. The sound of the running shower started to lull Bressie back to sleep, until he heard a shout from the bathroom. Immediately, Bressie was awake and concerned, thinking that maybe Niall’s bad knee acted up or something. He ran into the bathroom, skidding to a stop next to Niall.

Niall was standing there, eyes wide and bright. “Ni, what…” Bressie started to ask, only to trail off when Niall turned around, and there. There it was. Right above Niall’s hip, a small marking. Bressie dropped to his knees quickly, needing to get a closer look at it. “It’s there,” he whispered, reaching up to run his thumb across the small sun. A sun that exactly matched the one hidden on his arm. 

As soon as Bressie touched the sun, a jolt went through him, and he could tell the same shock went through Niall by the expression on his face. His own mark burned with a gentle warmth, and a general feeling of home. Of this is it. Bressie’s eyes filled with tears as Niall dropped down to his knees as well. He’d waited for so long, had just been on the brink of giving up. Just when he’d thought to, though, there was Niall, worming his way into his life and his heart. And now, his soul. He wrapped his arms around Niall, who easily folded into him. 

“I knew it would be you,” Niall whispered, wrapping his arms around Bressie and hugging him tightly. After they took a few moments to let it sink in a bit more, Bressie tilted his head down to capture Niall’s lips in another kiss. Niall happily kissed him back for a moment, only to pull away with a groan. “Still morning breath!” he swatted Bressie’s face away, making Bressie bark out a surprised laugh. 

“Alright, alright,” Bressie laughed, shaking his head. He pulled away and stood up, offering Niall his arm to help him up. Together, they went about brushing their teeth, unable to keep their hands off each other, mostly just innocent little touches. The shower went much the same. 

*** 

Initially, they decided not to tell anyone about the markings. They wanted to keep it between themselves. However, of course it didn’t work out that way. Nearly the second they walked into the dining area, Louis was in front of them, hands on his hips and scrutinizing them. His eyes shifted from one Niall to the other, a frown on his face. Bressie just turned to Niall, eyebrow raised in question. All Niall could do was shrug and try not to grin. Finally, a huge grin broke out on Louis’ face. “It’s a match, isn’t it?!” he crowed in delight. When Niall turned red and nodded, Louis let out an excited yell and hugged them both tightly before bounding off, presumably to tell Liam. Niall turned to Bressie, who had a shocked look on his face. Niall just shrugged again, and they both burst out into laughter before walking hand in hand over to the array of food that was waiting for them.

The rest of the day went much the same way. A few more people asked Niall about his marking, but most seemed to be focused on wishing the lad a happy birthday or getting ready for the show that night and the party afterwards. It all went by in a whirlwind for Bressie, and before he knew it he was collapsing down into the hotel bed with a giggling Niall clinging to him like a koala. They barely got as far as kicking their shoes off and exchanging a few lazy kisses before passing out.

__

**Epilogue**

The second there was a knock on the door, Bressie knew who it had to be. He jumped up, quickly going to let Niall in. The boy that stood there was far from his usual bright self. “Oh, little,” Bressie murmured, moving aside for Niall to walk in. He grabbed the suitcase, bringing it in with him and setting it aside in favour of sweeping Niall up into a hug. He wrapped his arms around Niall, lifting him easily.

Niall buried his face in Bressie’s neck, winding his legs tightly around Bressie. He didn’t say anything in response, but he didn’t have to. Bressie knew how hard the day was on him. It had been a long year and a half, full of monumental changes in their lives- especially Niall’s. Even though Bressie hadn’t always physically been by his side, he was always supporting Niall as best he could. And at that moment, Bressie could finally start to be right next to him. 

They remained that way for a few more moments, until Niall started kissing up Bressie’s neck. Bressie made a soft sound, and carried Niall to the bedroom. He laid Niall back, staring down at the blond. He thanked all the stars above that this beautiful boy was his. “You’re gorgeous,” Bressie murmured. “So gorgeous, and so wonderful.” He knew that Niall needed the reassurance, needed a constant amid all the sudden uncertainty of a break. Niall had grown used to the constant schedule and being surrounded by his bandmates, and Bressie knew that it would be a rough adjustment period.

He pulled off Niall’s shirt, tossing it carefully to the side. Bressie began to kiss slowly down Niall’s chest, who was shivering and moaning beneath him. He paid special attention to Niall’s nipples, knowing how much he liked it. “Beautiful,” he whispered, then grazed his teeth over one of them. Niall let out a gasp of pleasure, one hand tangling into Bressie’s short hair. 

Once Bressie was satisfied with teasing, he continued trailing his kisses lower down until he got to right above Niall’s hips. He smiled at the small sun there before pressing a soft kiss to it. He ran his tongue over it, sighing happily. They’d discovered fairly early on that Niall’s sun was especially sensitive. It drove him wild, which in turn made Bressie feel their connection and shared pleasure even more. The first time they’d really experienced the connection was intense, leaving them both swimming in their heads. Bressie took advantage of it often, just like this afternoon. 

“Please, Brez,” Niall whined, squirming. 

“Please, what?” Bressie teased, scraping his teeth along Niall’s hipbone.

“Fuck me,” Niall gasped, arching his hips up. “I need you….”

“Good boy,” Bressie murmured, smiling fondly up at his lover, who flushed at the praise. He slid down the bed, pulling off Niall’s shoes first. He set them on the floor, then peeled off Niall’s skinnies and pants and left them on top of the shirt. Bressie stared down at the naked, flushed, boy and felt his heart race. 

“Brez,” Niall whined again, spreading his legs more as an invitation. His hand snuck down to wrap around his hard cock, but Bressie swatted it away gently. 

“Nuh uh,” Bressie scolded. “No touching yourself; you’re mine tonight.” He shed his own clothes before leaning over Niall. His form easily dwarfed Niall’s. They shared a slow, teasing kiss before Bressie moved back down Niall’s body. Bressie focused his attention on trailing kisses up the inside of Niall’s thigh, then lifted his hips slightly off the bed. Niall wrapped his legs around Bressie’s shoulders, letting out a soft sigh of pleasure. “Good, that’s good,” Bressie murmured before kissing further in. He swiped his tongue over Niall’s hole, causing Niall to let out a loud gasp.

“Oh god,” he whimpered, arching his hips up when he felt Bressie’s tongue slide in. 

There would be none of that. Bressie gripped Niall’s hips with his large hands, holding him in place. Slowly, he fucked his tongue into Niall, leaving the boy a whimpering, writhing mess beneath him. There was little that Bressie loved more than seeing Niall come undone like this, letting his guard down and just focusing on the waves of pleasure that were caused by Bressie and Bressie alone. When he had Niall nearly on the verge of being overcome with his orgasm, Bressie pulled back. 

“Brez, what,” Niall whined, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Bressie didn’t reply with words, just smirked up at Niall before grabbing the lube. He squirted a generous amount onto his fingers, allowing Niall to catch his breath before slipping one inside. “You’re so tight,” he moaned out, slowly stretching Niall.

“Been awhile,” Niall pointed out, referring to all the work One Direction had done before going on their break. Niall shuddered with each bit further Bressie’s fingers got. 

Once Bressie had a finger in his boyfriend, it was next to impossible to hold back. It truly had been awhile since they had been able to be together like this, so Bressie wanted to make sure not to hurt the boy.

Finally, Bressie was satisfied with his preparation. Niall was nearly sobbing underneath him already, and looked absolutely beautiful. “You should see yourself, chief,” Bressie said in awe as he rolled a condom over his dick. “Look so good for me, already look wrecked.”

“Wreck me more,” Niall groaned, sliding his legs down around Bressie’s hips, attempting to pull him closer and doing his best to glare at him.

“Eager,” Bressie teased before positioning himself. He placed a hand on either side of Niall’s head, holding himself up over him. He hesitated just for a moment before starting to push in, gasping. “So good,” he gasped, closing his eyes to keep from letting go right then and there. Niall closed his eyes in response, letting out a tight moan. Bressie continued to push in slowly until he was nearly all the way in, then paused there. Bressie groaned, resting there. He reached up, running his fingers affectionately through Niall’s hair. He pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead, a gentle smile on his face. He watched Niall’s face until he got some signal from the boy to continue.

After a few moments, Niall pushed his hips up, indicating that Bressie should get on with it. Bressie didn’t hesitate to do just that. The sex wasn’t anything fancy that afternoon, just a desperation to be together. Bressie was determined to make Niall feel amazing, and he tried to show that with every thrust of his hips and every murmured word of praise.

It didn’t take long before Niall was over the edge, coming without even needing to have his dick touched. Feeling Niall’s orgasm spurred Bressie on, and with a few final thrusts of his own, he was coming. Not long after, he collapsed down on top of Niall. He gently pulled out of Niall once he caught his breath, lying next to him. Once he felt back to earth, he tied off the condom and tossed it in the basket near the bed. “My beautiful boy,” he murmured, beaming at Niall and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Shush,” Niall murmured, blushing deeply and turning so he could bury his face into Bressie’s chest. 

Bressie just smiled, reaching to run his hand through Niall’s tangled hair. They lay in silence for a few moments, both coming down from the high of their orgasms into a relaxed, sated state. “Stay with me,” he murmured. “During the break. Move in with me.”

“Really?” Niall asked, his head perking up just enough that he could look at Bressie’s face.

“Please,” Bressie nodded, pulling Niall close to him. “I want to use this time to our advantage.”

“Deal,” Niall beamed at Bressie, leaning in to kiss him lightly. He abruptly made a face, muttering, “Arse mouth.” 

Bressie burst out into laughter, shaking his head and staring fondly at the boy who had somehow managed to work his way into Bressie’s heart. After all the searching he’d done, Bressie was beyond lucky to have found a home inside of Niall’s heart. He grinned, pulling Niall in closer to him and holding him securely. “I love you, chief,” he murmured with a smile.

“Love you, too, head,” Niall grinned, nuzzling into Bressie’s side and drifting off to a light sleep.

  
_long live the heart, long live the soul, that knows what it wants._  
\- Needtobreathe  



End file.
